2015 CAMPAIGNS: Let The Money and Gift Items Roll Out. By: Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu

I may not be 100% serious-minded in this, so I’d rather you copy the reminder please, before you consider taking me to the cleaners when I had already taken my bathe. Of course, you know that would amount to double cleansing.

That’s by the way anyway. Here in Nigeria, if my crystal ball views of political events are anything to go by (and of course they are), then the imported and of course, hoarded trailer loads of rice, huge funds stacked in banks as far and near as Karanomuoda are about to reach the “due owners” (us, the masses).
I said so because backyard rallies, nocturnal meetings, and indirect compaigns (or better still, call it undue endorsement campaigns) ahead of 2015 general polls are about taking off (if not in motion in some parts of the nation already). This is 2014 naa!,

So one would expect our “oga at the top” in Abuja, the stingy governors (of course mine is the stingiest. Did I mention any name?), lawmakers and their pawns to roll out the drums and the “goodies” now.
Invariably, it amounts to having all the completed projects (that’s if any were indeed touched talk more of completion) will be commissioned.
Therein, “political pulpits” will be mounted. Eulogizers will rave 7th wonder praises to the satisfaction of “the lords” from their moneybathed lips, and hands will be raised thereafter, meaning 2nd term, 3rd term or perpetual term endorsements had been stamped before your very eyes.
Perhaps, to cover the “evil concoctions” of the afternoon, bags of rice, and wrappers will be thrown at women without caution; while huge sums of Naira and Dollars will exchange masculine hands (that’s if the feminine hands don’t get tripped by the flying bundles, but ugly experiences of the past had shown that they do and badly too), perhaps in exponentially decreasing order, starting with party stakeholders, loyalists, town heads, traditional rulers, ballot box movers, and finally to the minors of the society.

Ordinarily, rice sharing shouldn’t have been a yardstick to woo my sincere and integrity-driven Nigerians. These are people who, over the years had sacrificed their last drop of blood to queue behind these goons at the polling centres to elect these men and women, in whom they entrust their hopes for the piloting of a worth-live-in Nigeria’s ship.

But alas, what do we get afterwards? Promises-and-fail influenza ravaging everywhere. Underdevelopment, poverty,decayed infrastructures, and the worst of it all, the gift of corrupt leaders in low and high places, whose stock-in-trade is pen-doctored thefts.
Joblessness reign, good-as-dead health centres stare at us, and of course the many other messes I hate to remember. All these had been the payback packages the electorates get from exercising their fundamental right to franchise.

Even those of us (me in particular), who once wore the image of a rigid critic to money politics is now fast melting to a “chop chop” campaigner,simply because the expectations of 2011 polls were dashed.
I used to take virile gigs at those who bow to “money-for-hand-bakka-for-ground” pattern of electioneering, and patronage.
I called them names and they inturn murmured silent digs at me.
But here I am today, schemeing on how to break even from the upcoming polls of 2015. Perhaps joining others to eat the “rejected meal”.

Chaiiiiiiii…God have Mercy and rescue this country and us all from the clutches of evil inclinations, ochestrated by misrules here and there.

It is vividly clear that these dudes in power can’t take us to the promise land. If we’re destined to hit Lagos, they clearly can’t take us close to shagamu.
Hence I opine that they bring forth the hoarded largesse, and line our pockets from it (after all it’s our collective wealth).

When A Salt Looses Its Taste, what Value Has It Again?

I personally chose to disunite the title of this article from its body. A minute disguise can soothe some often tempered curiousities here a bit. But it may not represent a total disguise anyway. Rather, I sought to invoke a biblical parable (call it a proverbial line, if that adds more colour to your thoughts).

My people say when authority is entrusted to one who never knew what value it has, the tendency to misuse such authority “breathes” oxygen like you and me…very high. (I infused my own expression into the idiom, but whatever be the case, I believe you know what I meant).

Also, they said kings are not made but born. (maybe you can argue that, if you’re good in debates).

Obviously, I’m afraid of writing what I have in mind because I learnt “they” have recently started “flogging” justly querying journalists somewhere in Umuahia, so I don’t wanna be flogged/detained abeggggg…!!!
But rising above primordial sentiments, and clinging unto conscience have upped my liver to decide on penning this down.
First, let me say I couldn’t sleep the night I heard it that ex Governor of Anambra State, Mr. Peter “De Stone” Obi, days before he relinquishing power to Mr. Obiano, had handed over the chairmanship position of South East Governors Forum (SEGF) to a “brother” from Abia, Chief T.A Orji.
I could recall how I bowed my head in shame and regret that very night.
Regretably, I couldn’t fathom the rationale behind Orji’s selection (sorry, election) as SEGF chairman. Could it have been determined by zoning, years spent in office, leadership acumen (I doubt he has this), or experience?

By his election, it means Gov. Orji is on paper now the Governor General of Ndi Igbo, a position that now empowers him to take decisions for the course of Ndi Igbo, both at the national and regional levels.
And I said to myself, “chaaii!, when has the much-maligned-but-highly-industrious Ndi Igbo became so OK with the leadership of a Governor WHO DOESN’T CARRY LAST IN CARRYING LAST GOVERNANCE-WISE” ?
I asked, where are the Gov. Martin “old warhorse” Elechis of Ndi Ebonyi, and the Gov. Sullivan “wife prisoner” Chimes of Ndi Enugu?.
Having spent equal time in Office (almost 7yrs now) with Gov. Orji, couldn’t it had been better we settled for one of those “one-eyed duo”, than to settle for a “nearly blind Chief” from my neighbouring state, where 2011 election that got him re-elected for 2nd term was voted in well-policed bushes, private residents, and hotels?
What of the trying-but-much talking Imo State Governor, Owelle Rochas Okorocha?
Isn’t he fitted-in as the above duo, to be made SEGF boss, having nicknamed himself “Owelle Ndi Igbo”?

Oh!, where were the Chief Jerry Igwariey-led Ohaneze Ndigbo Excos when this man was (s)elected as Chairman of SEGF?.
Could it be that they were “muted” with overflowing Naira notes (the type the said governor often doles out to Okada riders at Afor Enyiogugu in Mbaise, Imo state, whenever he’s on his routine shuttles to Aso Rock via the Sam Mbakwe Airport, Owerri)?

For sure, a lot of murky waters must have passed through the bridge, for a Gov. Orji to emerge as SEGF Chief. But that’s history now cos I can’t stop nor pull him down now that he’s seated tight.

Same way I can’t stop him from manning SEGF, is also how I can’t stop him for relishing in what he does best–DELVING LEFT WHEN RIGHT IS AN OPTION.
Otherwise, how would one explain his handpicking of a controversial figure in ex-Senator and Chief from his Abia, Gen. Ike Umar Sanders Nwachukwu, to lead Ndi Igbo’s delegates to the ongoing National Conference.
I know many of you would be asking what’s wrong with the choice of the wise senator and ex military governor of old Imo state, to be made the delegates’ leader?.
But I would excuse the few, simply because they may be ignorant of what Ike Nwachukwu stands for.

In case you don’t know, Sen. Nwachukwu, born and bred in the North to an Abia father and Katsina (fulani) mother was a lieutenant serving under Gen. Ojukwu, the then commanding officer of 5 Battalion in Kano. At the escalation of crisis in the North which later metamorphosed into the 1967-1970 Nigerian/ Biafran civil war, Gen. Ojukwu begged him to join him to head home to form the Biafran military front but he objected, rather seeking refuge in the hands of one of his Katsina maternal uncles who was then a General.
This act of betrayal, much maligned Gen. Nwachukwu miles from Ojukwu’s mind in particular, and those of Ndi Igbo in general.
Infact the name IKE NWACHUKWU is and still remains synonymous with BETRAYAL in Igboland.
So tasking a man with such an unenviable record to lead Ndi Igbo’s onslaught to the ongoing national conference is not only dubious,and erronous, but also tragic, (if not a sign of failure even before take-off).

With Sen. Nwachukwu there, be rest assured that what could have being Ndi Igbo’s sole demand from the conference–An Additional State–is now a mirage.

Ugochukwu writes from Owerri.

Northern Elites Are To Be Blamed For Poverty In The North

I’ve always avoided issues relating to Northern Nigeria in recent pasts, solely because I haven’t stepped my feet into that region before now. Personally, I hate to appraise or condemn anything from afar. So the issues of Boko Haram, large landmass, poverty, and wantom illiteracy in that clime had often recieved mild/no remarks from me.

But having now recently criss-crossed Kogi, some parts of FCT, and ending up in Minna, Niger state in a 10-day expedition (call it a two-some jamboree because I was in the company of a friend) and now back to base (Owerri), I think I have garnered a lot of first hand information and experiences about the region (as my visit was basically a social one), few of which I want to delve into.

On a passive note, I’ve never seen states so blessed with massive landmass as Kogi and Niger States, and I believe such reflects the collective nature of all the 19 States there. Truly, if we southerners have such, the “me-and-my neighbour(s) wars” that have being gracing our nucleated settlement patterns here, wouldn’t have been in exsistance at all.

That’s on light note anyway, the main issue at hand is that, I met for once in my entire life, young men and women who can’t hear and speak PIDGIN ENGLISH.
I really went through hell communication-wise with keke drivers, airtime vendors, food vendors, and virtually all the commuters I came in contact with. Neither could I copy what they were “aggressively vomiting” as their Hausa words nor were they grasping my Pidgin (even when I chose to “bury” my English for the time being).
This scenario heralded more questions in my mind than answerable. Outstanding amongst them were:
-Is there any 7yr-old southerner that doesn’t eat pidgin like bread and butter, what’s wrong with people here?
-Ain’t there schools here? (of course, I saw kids in schools). So why ain’t they capable of teaching these kids Pidgin, if teaching English is a Kilimanjoro for teachers there to climb?
-Why are the few who can speak pidgin not circulate what they know?

To make matters worse, an Ecobank staff (a young guy in his early 30s for that matter) whom I did transactions with, gave me the real life shocker, when he struggled all day to speak in mere Pidgin to me, as he was so carried away with his native language, while I was sweating to voice out my English-cum-Pidgin words to him. The only thing I could copy from the dude was YES to all I said. The Communication was practically zero…Guys, that was pretty disgusting.

This draws my attention to the issue of Illiteracy in the North. Unlike in the South, where state governments not only ensured free education up to SSCE level, but also set up task forces to ensure that kids are taken off the street and “forced” to be in school, the scenario in Niger and Kogi are different entirely. Yes they also enjoy scholarship/free education over there up to SSCE, but the kids under school age ain’t persuaded/forced off the streets to school.
It is a case of 2 out of every 10 going to school. The other 8 merely graduate from street begging to voilent Almajiris with time…and you know their end product.

It really baffles my imagination to hear people say that poverty is supreme in the North. Poverty didn’t leave the South and travel North-wise. Nigerians are indeed poor, but when a section of the country does struggle to put food on their table, without the aid of any government, they should be imitated by the other, and not be seen as “nature-made-rich”.

I suspect that the quest for the control of central power in Nigeria, has over time, made an average Northerner a slut. For them, anything government didn’t/haven’t put in place for them isn’t worth having (since government is theirs). This is in sharp constrast to the South Eastern Nigeria (Ndi Igbo) where I came from. A people that barely relies on the central government for basic infrastructures. The Ibos have over time, known that federal presence and power control are skewed against them by successive administrations…a payback package to us for daring to severe ties with Nigeria via the Biafran war of 1967-1970.
So we have being carrying our developmental crosses wisely.

Without being told, poverty is still in top gear in the East and elsewhere in Nigeria, but for the North and their fortunate elites to blame federal government squarely for their “mess” is not only laughable, but also shows their rather bizzare and lukworm attitude towards working to heal their wounds.

Ordinarily, if I were to be an elite Northerner, perhaps living in FCT, heating up the polity on daily basis wouldn’t do me any good.
Clamouring to rule Nigeria in 2015 or heads will roll is a left-sided lust.
Rising up to tackle their illiteracy and poverty challenges would rather be a worthy fight now.

Seriously “the medieval” state of things I witnessed in Kogi and Niger states in this past 10days, doesn’t represent a 21st century Nigeria (not at least a 21 century South East)

To Be Continued…

Why Am I Not A Woman?

As I write this, I’m emotionally heightened. I’m sad. Infact sadness is an understatement here, I’m shedding tears and at the same time, complaining. I have been denied my due right by my fellow man, because a third party is in the picture. And what 3rd party?…,A WOMAN!!!

Ordinarily I won’t have penned this week’s column on the above title. I had something else in mind. But here I am, writing what circumstances and mutually exclusive events had led me to.
I am not here to recount my personal ordeal. No, far be it. But I’m here to ask questions, whose answers, only divinity, nature, or perhaps, men can answer.

Since my formative years till now, I’ve helplessly seen women usurp men off their rights. Men have denied their fellow men, simply because of his sight to a woman’s softeness. The woman nature has so “manhandled” that of men to the point of no-holds-bay.

On daily basis, “Office Peters” rob “Paul” to pay “Paulina”. Unfortunately, no one seems to bath an eyelid on this “equal-to-normal-corruption” matter. Everyone calls it a NORMAL THING.
Surprisingly, the robbed barely complain openly. They move on afterwards. But should we continue to move on, and allow injustice to have haydays?
What is this in/on a woman’s body that my fellow men can’t resist for a few seconds, to allow due process?
Is the women’s smiley teeth, their attractive body, their softness or what?
Could it be hormonal (the magnetic lure of testesteron and oestrogen; the thalamus and hypothalamus of this world)?
Is it their hair, eyes, soft voice, tender lips, figure-8, or what?
What’s so magical about the body of a woman that a man will see (often without touching oh!) to deny his fellow man.

If the allure of a woman’s body is so utterly resistible to a man, no harm would have done heaven if they had made a woman. A woman that crosses roads men stop at. A woman that gets all she wishes for effortly or effortlessly. A woman that men grants all her requests. A low brainer that sits where genius long eternally for. A woman hard-to-open doors freely open to.

Sincerely, I’m hurt to the marrows this (thursday, 06/03/14) evening.
I’m battling to fathom the exact reasons why 2 ladies I effortly led to obtain extra-but-special favour from “Elijah” will be chosen ahead of me by the so-called relative Elijah.

I can’t write any further. I’m already bleeding from the eyes.
See you next week, people.
Hopefully then, God and man, even nature could have provided cogent answers to my posers.

When Jonathan Becomes A Spectator In Owerri

Those who swim through the turbulent current of our political Ocean, know fully well that the President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, came for a one-day Official States visit to Owerri, Imo State, last saturday, Feb. 22nd. (Well, forgive me for the phrase /Official States Visit/, you can call it OFFICIAL PARTY VISIT, since he came solely for Imo PDP, and not for Imo State Government and Imolites).
He came to officially welcome back to PDP five (5) “political jumperists” in the mould of Ex Imo Governor, Chief Achike Udenwa; former senator and serial gubernatorial contender, Sen. Ifeanyi Ararume; serving Senator representing my zone (Owerri Zone), Sen. Christiana Anyanwu; Chief Mike Ahamba, SAN; and lastly ex Chief of Staff Government House under Ikedi Ohakim, Chief Cosmas Iwu.
Powerful political “witch and wizards”, mighty enough to invoke the “ghost” of our “Oga at the top” to Imo, you would say.

I wouldn’t judge the rights and wrongs of Jonathan’s visit. Those who are abreast with Imo politics will judge.

Many will argue that a president never visits a state without duly informing the state governor, or being invited to officially commission completed projects.
But I will say he was duly invited.
By who?, you would ask. By Imo PDP, of course. He also commissioned “projects”. Didn’t you see the 5 human projects named above?. What a satiric-cum-rhetoric question from me!..He smiles.

Since I used the word SPECTATOR to qualify someone in my title, you the reader only naturally suspects of an ongoing duel between two camps.
One team, captained by the state governor, Owelle Rochas Okorocha, has Imo Progressive and his party, APC as its players. This team, I dub the HOME-BASED.
The other comprises of all the PDP Stakeholders, Godfathers, 2 ex Governors, National Legislators and Imo-born Aso Rock appointees as players. Here, all are captain, and I notoriously dub it the ABUJA-BASED.

Since Okorocha and his HOME TEAM forcefully wrestled power from the ABUJA TEAM in 2011, Imo has daily being inundaunted with politics of propaganda and counterpropaganda, attacks and counterattacks. The exchange of verbal fisticuffs are going unabated. All manner of insults and assaults fly cross the battle line from both sides.
And unfortunately, the tirade-trading isn’t ceasing any time soon, rather it is ascending its red-hot pinnacle.
Reason?. Elections are here.
So expect more fights, even from your state. Here I mean you, the reader.

But as an objective writer, I wouldn’t be lured into taking sides (even though I had long taken that secretly). Rather I’m here to look at the sides of the political battle and how it affects the general wellbeing of the led (Imolites).

To start with, from 1999-2011, Imo State was entrusted onto the governance of the PDP.
Under Achike Udenwa (1999-2007), Imo saw dividends of democracy sparingly. He focused mainly on road constructions (mostly in his Orlu hometown), and the construction of the gigantic Imo State Secretariat along Port-Harcourt road axis in Owerri, but he fluffed more of our money on “patching” his leaky pocket and those of his political godfathers. To say the least, his governance was poor.

Under Ikedi Ohakim (2007-2011), a man I fondly nicknamed OHAK, Imo saw some lights in terms of cleanliness. He gave us buses, kimkim, keke; few roads in Mbano; some redecoration of roundabouts and roads. This was a man we never knew prior to and after the polls. Abuja threw him on us, and we wholly accepted him (maybe our votes had no say then. Did they?).
On a personal note, I loved Ohak dearly because he paid my parents salaries as at when due.
But he became powerdrunk along the line; flogged all whom his Okoboko can reach; skyrocketted Imo tertiary institutions’ tuition fees. These and many other sins got him and his PDP severe estrangement from Imolites.
At the 11th hour, he threw money to “men and God”, but alas, that didn’t remedy his battered image before the electorates.

Under Owelle Rochas Okorochas (2011-date), Imo saw a new light.
A rescuer that has being giving Imo what PDP didn’t give in 12yrs.
Talk of the Free Education at all levels; Erections of new school blocks in 305 wards of Imo; Countless but-not-too-strong roads across the state; New Govt. House; Urbanisation of Orlu and Okigwe suburbs; New Medical Centres in the 27 LGAs of Imo; New School Dresses,Books, and desks to pupils and Secondary School Students; Regular salary payments. Indeed the list is endless.
Rochas is really rescuing Imo. No wonder then that Jonathan deemed it fit to personally come down to mobilize “more troops” strong enough to oust Rochas from Douglas House come May 2015.

But can they succeed in it?
Will Imolites allow such? Can anyone influence Imolites with “Heaven and Earth” to vote against a man who’s rescuing them?
Surely, I doubt it. Unless he’s not seeking re-election, but I suspect he will.

Lets watch out

The Need To Differentiate Between Governance and Politics In Nigeria’s Democracy. Part 1

Having not been brought into these world during the 1st and 2nd Republics of the 1960s and 1979-1983s respectively, and subsequently being only a “toddler” during the 1991-1992’s military-cum-civilian 3rd Republic, I have decided to sideline those era of Nigerian democracy’s torrid sail. This may be down to my inability to have first hand information on events then.
Back then, all I could simply say I knew about governance, politics and democracy were merely told/read accounts; most of which may likely contain some imurities or partly misrepresent the true democratic state of such periods.

Hence as an absolutist, I have decided to narrow my judgement strictly down to what my eyes, knowledge and common sense had equipped me with, having attained a certain age of reasoning, prior to the 1999’s 4th Repulic.

So I have decided to x-ray our polity, starting with Olusegun Obasanjo’s democratic tenure of 1999 till this Goodluck Jonathan’s dispensation.
First, a look at a layman’s definition of the governance and politics, will guide our course here.
Governance, I will say, is the practical matching of a leader’s campaign manifestos and his party’s democratic edicts with the electorates’ mandate. In other words, one’s ability to fulfill campaign promises in a manner that soothes the whims and caprices of the people, gives a clear aura to what governance should be.
Politics on its own, I would define as POLITRICKS…I know you may tag it “power play and intrigues”. But whatever you call it, politics remains the bane of good governance.

Perhaps, a sniff preview of how we have fared across the two lines of democracy tenets (politics and governance), as illustrated below, will further ganish the points I’m out to drive home here. Now lets go this way!

From 1999-2003, we got quite a few dividends of good governance, in the harmonization of our economy, GSM introduction, Power Plant erections and (if you like, include the introduction of Condoms), but we witnessed myraids of power tussles; governors were adopted, impeached with daredo; opposition voices were choked; the then V.P, Atiku Abubakar was shoved out of reckoning for querying Baba’s authoritarian-styled modus operandi; Aso Rock turned a battle field–a centre that taught the 36 state “gods” have to bruise and breeze aside their not-up-to-100%-loyal Deputy Governors and percieved political enemies. The list is just endless.
Back then, Nigerians were democratically naive. We barely diffentiated between governance and politics. Every political manipulation was ignorantly okayed by us as the NORM.

From 2003-2007, the masses began to suck the milk of democratic wisdom. Though we couldn’t stop bullish power plays on the cards here and there; the continous ejection of ministers and Service Chiefs; and the “I-must-succeed-you fights”, but we managed to exorcize the foul spirits of 3rd Term Agenda of a certain Otta farmer…that’s a massive victory for us “little horses” then.(apologies to José Mourinho)

From 2007-2011, we advocates of good governance started going to Primary and Secondary Schools of democracy, and vehemently besought a certain taciturn Umaru Musa Yar’dua thrown on us, to effect the necessary changes. He indeed bought, say 30% of our ideas, and subsequently tolled our path. But alas, the cold hands of death knocked him and our drive aback.
Then came the politics and intrigues again. This time, a section of the country (south) fought tooth and nail to indoctrinate a dogma that ensures a certain quiet Vice President takes over, while the other section (the North) fought against it with their blood’s last drop.
But while the battle had been won and lost, the political sores it inflicted upon our democracy is obviously being felt today, if not, ask those who sound it (often with threats) to our hearing that they should be allowed to complete their tenure, and those who shout “the south must stay long in power to enshrine equity”, what they’re clamouring for.
The unprecented politics of power shift/power balance between November, 2009, through to May, 2011, ensured Nigerians were eluded of good governance.
Rather, the dividends of democracy on the cards then were “Jonathan must contest 2011 polls”; “Jonathan must not be allowed to stay in office beyond May 2011”; “He has the constitutional backing to contest”; “If the North attempts to stop Jonathan at the polls, Nigerians wouldn’t know Peace again”; “We’ll make Nigeria ungovernable for Jonathan if he wins the polls”….the bla bla bla swashbuckling went on and on.

But the question is: has Nigeria as a Nation, outlived the political mess ochestrated by Yar’dua’s death?
Has good governance toppled our unending politricks and power plays?

Well, the concluding part of this article will attempt to give answers to that.

WATCH OUT!!!

Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu, a geologist by training, is an Owerri-based freelancer on political developments. He doubles as a social critic.

FEBRUARY 14: What’s Valentine Day all about?

By Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu.

“For this was on Seynt Volantynys day,
When every bryd comyth there to chese his make”
—Parliament of Foules (written by a 14th Century English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer.
However, written in ancient english, the upgrade goes thus:
“For this was on St. Valentine’s day,
When every bird cometh here to choose his mate”.

With the above quote having historical roots to the man (St. Valentine), many ascribed as the Patron Saint of married couples, romantic lovers, the blind, the persecuted etc, and having a day on his honour, universally set aside for the expression of ROMANTIC LOVE, often marked with the presentation of flowers, candys, offering of symbolic red heart logos as greeting cards, the exchange of confectionaries etc, it is important I say a few things about the man.

A SNAPSHOT ON ST. VALENTINE—His Live, Offence and Execution.
According to the Church’s (Catholic) book of Saints and her Martryologists (experts in the study of lives and times of Saints), little was known of Valentine.
His surname, date of birth (though around 200 AD) remain unknown. However, they traced his origin back to Terni in Italy. He’s one of the two(2) known Martyrs and Saints, who bear same name (Valentine), but separated from the other with the name, St. Valentine of Rome.
He was a Roman Priest (though many translucent views claim he rose to the rank of a Bishop), and worked as a missionary under the reign of a Roman Emperor Claudius 2nd.
Accounts have it that Claudius 2nd was a tyrant warmonger whose desperations to win at all cost, drove him to institute an EDICT which forbade young and unmarried Soldiers from marriage, to enable them be psychologically alert on the battle fields, as according to him, married soldiers are so fearful of death.
However, to saturate the must-occur sexual orgies of his young men, Claudius 2nd often gave out 2-3 maidens per Soldier to romp on, during their celebration nights (mostly when they fought victoriously).
Irked by this sheer flagrant carnality on the part of the young Soldiers (according to Fr. Frank O’Gara of Dublin), St. Valentine, moved in to curtail this ugly act that promotes fornication/concubinisms, by secretly tapping up the soldiers to come forth with one of their “sex tools” for marriage. But alas, the lid of those secret marriages blew open and he was arrested and Jailed.
His death came, majorly because, he resisted the treacheous overtunes of the Emperor to convert to Roman Paganism, but instead turned the table around by attempting to Christainize his “convertor”. Of course, such guts got him a 3-part execution process of BEATING, STONING, and BEHEADING.
Martryological accounts said this happened on a February 14 of either 269 AD or 273 AD.
But before his death, he healed his Jailer’s (Asterius) daughter, Julia, of her blindness (a move that saw Asterius and his 44-member family became christians after Valentine’s demise), and subsequently dropped a note he addressed to Julia, signed with “FROM YOUR VALENTINE”.

What a lengthy snapshot you would say!…hahahaha.
Well, it became necessary to draw up substances from the man’s story to back up my claims on what an ideal Valentine’s Day should be.

As we go out today to mark LOVERS DAY, it is important to realize that what we know this day for, is partly or wholly not what it should be.
First, we have been told different versions of how St. Valentine encouraged romantic love and by extension sex, by should-know-better souls. YES and NO is the answer. He encouraged romantic love and sex, done within the context of a vow, MARRIAGE. Not out of it.
Note, he gave up his life just to stop serial out-of-wedlock fornications.

Secondly, we have over time been confused by the British authorities, who screwed up what Valentine stands for. They often cited the note Valentine wrote to Julia, which he signed with FROM YOUR VALENTINE, as a show of his romantic attraction to the maiden…A cruel lie!!
Valentine was only attracted to Julia by virtue of filia love, been his goddaughter. He had nothing to do erotically with the girl.
Also, the above short poem written by Chaucer in memory of King Richard 2’s 1st engagement anniversary with Anne of Bohemia in the 14th Century, defined the LOVERS DAY we know today as romantic.

While the romantic attachment may not be totally wrong, the configurations we gave the day as a day set aside to show off our strenghts in bed, bench, sofa, mattress, or even in a bush corner is utterly mudane and appalling.
St. Valentine isn’t a saint of immaturity, and shouldn’t be seen as such. Neither should his execution day(Feb.14) be used as a day for “big bangs”. This isn’t the love the man fought and died for. Even if it was, it is strictly for married couples. That’s what St. Valentine stood for.

Finally, please discountenance the saying that United Nations, U.N, approved 14th February as a day for a “free-for-all romp”. …that’s all spurious and make-belief…lies

FALL-OUT OF MARIAH CAREY’S GIG IN NIGERIA: Are Radar Online and her bloggers psychopacthic?

By: Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu

If you had followed recent National developments, and most recently, my penultimate article here, the story that Mariah Carey got N200m for a gig in Nigeria is no longer news.
It has happened, and the “pyroclastic dusts” it raised is fast settling down. As well, the heads (Aig-Imoukhuede and Access Bank Plc management) we(cynics) crushed with “bombastic” swipes has been nursing their wounds behind the scene.

Of course we have forgiven and forgotten the melee-harbingers. Haven’t we?. We have.
What retentive and unforgiven memory do you expect a people “entertained” daily with scandalous and often apocalyptic news and events to have, if not one for a short-lived reaction to unceasing actions?.
Maybe to enable us attend to myraids of other attention-seeking news.
So when psychologists say Nigerians mostly have warped,and often short-circuited brains, don’t throw stones on them. They could be on point. But it’s largely not our making, you know?. It’s events’.
After all, dem say na condition make crayfish bend.

However, it rather amounts to stupidity on the part of a U.S-based Gossip website, RADAR ONLINE and one of their unnamed and God forsaken blogger, to opine that Mariah was hoodwinked into performing in a clime where financial crime reigns such as Nigeria.
Hear them:
“Given that she was performing for bankers__it seems Mariah wasn’t aware Nigeria is well-known as the centre of the World’s email and financial crimes”.
As if that stereotype isn’t enough, the Radar Online blogger went further to say; “Nigeria is even part of the name__as in Nigerian 411 Scams”

Then, hammering-in the final nail on my beloved country’s coffin, the writter ended with the following weighty punches. Hear the confused writter vomit venoms:
“Nigeria is the hub of human trafficking, hence Mariah shouldn’t have accepted to do a gig in a country known for terrorism, death and fraud”.

Now, to spice up the already spurious claims, the blogger cited the United Nations, UN, and CNN as saying, ” In a country where mass killings are going on in two of her states__a voilence being ignored by her federal authorities; System corruptions; and police brutalism reign, Mariah should have outrightly rejected the Nigerian Bankers’ overtures”

My people, did you hear all these sheer misrepresentation of issues; hypocritic attacks and swipes; public show of madness; and total drunkness, etc, exhibited by the blogger and Radar Online’s handlers?

Ordinarily, I should have opted not to join issues with this pit-bottom ignoramus,. It’s quite a worthless act.
But for clarity sake, it is important I say these few universal truths:
*The idiot vividly misfired. Instead of attacking Aig-Imoukhuede (as we all did) or even his/her desperate dollar-chasing sister, Mariah, he/she chose to attack an Innocent country.
*Is it not America the entire world know as the CAPITAL OF CRIMES? A nation where a foolish youngster wakes up one morning to snoff lives out of school kids can’t ascend any morality ladder more than Nigeria.
*A country where free access to guns and legalization of tabacco has turned her youths to daredevil gangsters.
*Can the U.S single out any entertainer of theirs whose life is CLEAN? Here, I mean a crime-free act
*Didn’t the U.S legally warrant Obama’s wife, Mitchel, to marry any of her daughters, while her hubby, Obama runs after “the third leg” of John Kerry (U.S Secretary of State)…homosexuality?
*The so-called stolen money which past and present Nigerian leaders stacked in banks overseas (U.S to be precise), has any of it been remitted back to us, as the Swiss did?. Ain’t America razzmatazzing comfortably on those loots?

Obviously, I didn’t come here to debate with the WITLESS BLOGGER, but facts have to be told.
Yes, Nigeria is corrupt. We know and condemn it everybday.
So MR/MS. COCK HEAD, we don’t need you to remind us that.

By the way, America is no better. Obviously, its corruption is even OLDER than Nigeria and Nigeria’s. Same goes for your desperate-to-do-a-gig-in-Africa sister, Mariah, who can’t keep her ass back there in the States, but rather goes about, begging for Made-in-Africa Dollars.

Oh! Haven’t I told you, your fading-in-music sister, few hours after pocketting $1m from Nigeria for a 10-hour concert, left for Angola to do another 2-hour concert also worth another $1m for their Kleptomania-in-chief authoritarian, José Eduardo Dos Santos and his Multi-millionaire daughter, Isabel? OR have you forgotten she did a lucreative gig for slain Libyan “god”, Muammar Gaddafi, back in 2008?. A money she ate to the last, before shamefully apologizing to whoever cares to listen, that she regrets singing for the dictator.

I will end this by saying that your sister, the “All I want for Christmas is You” crooner, who now doubles sarcastically as the “All I want for Christmas is Made-in-Africa Dollars”, can’t seem to get enough of Dictator’s (sorry, African) dollars.

Cow brain!!!

BETWEEN AIG-IMOUKHUEDE’S LOVE FOR MARIAH CAREY AND REALITY

By: Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu

For over a month now, I had waited keenly to hear the views of Nigerians on this raving national embarassment, spitefully concocted and served to us 160million Nigerians by the outgoing Managing Director of Access Bank Plc. Nigeria, Aigboje Aig-Imoukhuede.
But sadly, I have heard little or no swipes directed at him. And of course, I’m not so elated over the development, so I have decided to pour out my “venom” at this Access Bank MD, and face the music (that’s if there is any to “macabrely” dance to)

Well, in case you ain’t aware, the man in question, had on Sat.14 Dec.,2013, spent a whooping $1m to pull his screen goddess and rather fading US singing sensation, Mariah Cariah , 43, to perform live in Nigeria in a 10-hour concert to mark his bank’s end of the year party-cum-his send-off party as a vacating MD.

You hear that? $1m for just 10hours, frittered out to a living-in-the-past artiste…My Gracious God!!!

I really want to analytically look at this, this way.
First, how can a financial institution’s MD hand out a massive $1m(N170m) another N30m in airlifting and hotel expenses for Mariah Carey, her entourage and band group, all totalling an eyeball-popping sum of N200m, just for a 10-hour fun?
Get me right, I am not saying he has no right to hire and pay for any amout, whosoever he wishes to have sing for him.
Indeed he has (but if and only if, he does so with his hard earned money).
But coaxng his bank’s management to do so in his honour, with people’s funds invested in the bank is nothing but scandalous, wicked, insensitive, and a sheer misuse of power and authority.

Secondly, one is been made to ponder the rationale behind this “it’s-Mariah Carey-or-bust” lust of this Bank MD, considering the fact that his bank recently (3 weeks before the 14th Dec. bash), laid off 200 employees from its workfold, for reasons best known only to poor performing business owners, thus adding this to already existing 1500 sacked barely a year ago (now 1700 bankers blown away to the winds).

Just take a critical look at the messy situation the bank hierarchy had found herself in; they needed to cut cost because their bank is on the backfoot business-wise by sacking 1700 bankers, but found it wise enough to plunge an astronomical sum of N200m to the Atlantics, just to satisfy the fantasy and orgy of their chief’s mind and bodily quest at having a “beauty queen” perform live on stage for him.

They maximized profit by laying off 1700 breadwinners in barely 12-months. A 1700 that has families averaging six(6) (mind you, extended family members who depend solely on the above number are not even included).
Thus denying well over 1700*6 (10,200 souls) of quality living, sound future, good dreams, progressive aspirations, sent them packing from their zones of comfort, robbed their kids of quality education, parental care, and many more.

Aig-Imoukhuede never thought over what polarity, the laying off of 1700 bankers would cause to the already polarized and oxygen-less labour market, by this singular act. But had money to throw around when that sum could have empowered well over 400 unemployed youths (at N500,000 each) for life…what a waste!

But even if he had to mark his send-off party lavishly (as has often been the modus operandi of influential Nigerians), should it had been wise to earmark a hefty sum of N200m, just to catch glimpse of a fading foreign act?
Speaking patroitically, wouldn’t it have been wise to get our top acts in the mould of Tuface, D’banj, P square, wizkid, M.I, J martins, Olamide, Phyno and many more, who not only would have taken a paltry average of N5m/act to make it rain on him all night, but also rate higher than Mariah on recent International musical acts scale.
That clearly shows that Aiboje isn’t as Nigerian as he makes Aso Rock and us all to believe, putting into scrutinyg, his percieved ambition to succeed Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, as the next CBN governor, come June.

I don’t know what many of you readers may think about his ambition. But bet me, if this man makes it to the CBN, he will make our Naira a laughing stock in the International Market, as he would prioritize “Owambe nights” to revamping our economy. And you know the likely outcome…DISASTER!!!

So my two advices to Mr. Aig-Imoukhuede would be:
First, go home and rest after your tenure expiration at Access Bank.
Forget about CBN governship job, before you lay off all the bankers in Nigeria, and run our economy to comatose with your Mariah Carey-like owambes, which you can even make monthly or worst still a weekly thing.
Secondly, if you wanna watch your “tin god”, Mariah Carey, perform live on stage routinely, please relocate to the States, and follow her hall-to-hall every friday with your money, and not with Access Bank investors’ money.

Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu, also known as MC Lion, is a social critic and political commentator.
Today he writes from Owerri, Imo state.

THE BANANA REPUBLIC CALLED PDP AND MATTERS ARISING.

By: Ugochukwu Austinoiz Nwaiwu.

“When the evil wind blows through a house’s window, no only are the occupants are blown apart, but also the window. Of course, a house short of a window has lost its beauty partly…”

Well, don’t ask me where I got the above adage from. I guess it sounds quite unpopular when searched for in your collection of adages, but not to worry, I made it.

Well, I bet you all have heard that the Peoples Democratic Party,PDP had on this past thursday, sacked (OR will I say coaxed to resign under duress?) her Chairman, Alhaji Bamanga Tukur.
The ouster of the 79yr-old man made it a record 9th man to be thrown out of the red-hot Wadata Plaza sit over a period of 14yrs.

PDP as a party, initially had a constitution that allows it’s National Working Committee, NWC members a-2yr single term, liable for renewal, right from August 21, I998 when its pioneer chairman, Dr. Alex Ekwueme took over.
However, a 4yr single term was instituted shortly after President Jonathan succeeded the then deceased Musa Yar’dua in 2010. A move that brought Okwesilieze Nwodo in.

But one thing is quite peculiar here. None of the 9 men ran out a single term talk more of two terms, as can be seen below:
1. Dr. Alex Ekwueme (Aug. 1998-Nov.1998
2. Chief Solomon Lar (1998-1999)
3. Chief Barnabas Gemade (1999-2001)
4. Chief Audu Ogbeh (2001-2003)
5. Dr. Ahmud Ali (2004-2007)
6. Chief Vincent Ogbulafor (2007-2010)
7. Dr. Okwesilieze Nwodo (2010-2011)
8. Dr. Haliru Mohammed (3months)
9. Alhaji Bamanga Tukur (March 2012- Jan.2014)

After a curious analysis of the tenures of these ex bosses in office, I found no better SATIRIC PHRASE to tag the PDP, other than calling it a BANANA REPUBLIC.
Surely, It is a house with a floor so slippery that the “roughest shoes” can’t get a foothold of it without doing the expected….crumbling like pack of cards.

But, I’m not surprised at all and I can never be over this. The myriad of intrigues and powerplays that go on at the Wadata Plaza on daily basis can move mountains, talk more of a mere man.
In case you don’t know, lots of interest must be protected or heads will roll. The “gods” will demand for their sacrifices, which must be met unconditionally.

However, being the masses’ man, I’ve come to realize that why our leaders can’t guarantee us all the dividends of democracy our taxes can provide. The reason is pretty simple: millions of political belles must be fed.
We all bore witness to the numerous political imbriogolios Tukur found himself in, majorly because, he was acting out the scripts written at Aso Rock, while weaving the Governors and Lawmakers apart. When the heat was excessive, we saw how he “ran amock”,even with the jerrycans of Aso Rock Ice block been showered at him…what a pity!

I simply want to end with this line: The battles of the PDP chairmen have replicas in every office of our polity, and as such, the interests of the people will always assume backseats at the expense of those of political stakeholders and godfathers.

God help Nigeria!!!